. If she is from an immigrant family, her parents may expect her to marry someone from their own culture, for this reason if you belong to a different culture, they may simply refuse to even consider you. Other than that, all that comes from the way of kuffaar and sadly the Muslims have adopted that way too and it is very sad to see that people are saying jazakAllahu khayran on such things, subhanAllaah. Its very easy to find a lot of information about a guy online, so if he says one thing, yet his Facebook or Twitter profile shows an entirely other side, thats a major red flag for a sister during the initial stages. So what do YOU think is the REASON religious males interact that way? Some families may simply refuse to meet you and ask to meet your parents first, or only approve a meeting once you have finished college. i hope your wife is happy, and if she is that is great and mashallah for both of you and inshallah many more years to come :) if she is happy, it shows she loves to cook for you and likes making you happy and you treat her with kindness, and mercy, etc. Why are we not able to discuss these things up front? But the point the brothers are missing is that ANY woman will be more than willing to do these day after day if the husband appreciates it, just as hubby would love to be appreciated slaving away at work to provide for the family (just because its his duty doesnt mean we should take it for granted). Jzkh. Analytical cookies are used to understand how visitors interact with the website. my problem is not with your preferences of how you personally want to live your own lifestyle.. my issue arises out of you saying that anybody who does not live like this one certain way that you think is perfect is not right it is wrong.. and is unislamic.. that is backward, that IS insane, and your attitude towards this whole discussion has been ignorant, close-minded, unaccepting, impatient, and i might even go as far as to say unislamic!!! In what ways are you learning about your potential spouse's priorities, values and Islamic orientation? I personally dont think that this is because of a lack of practice brother ZAI, because these are things that come naturally to us as men when we are around women, if we free ourselves from any restrictions that is and allow ourselves to act upon our natural instincts. You're worried if you approach her directly she'll think you're some kind of a creep and tell all her hijabi friends. Dear brothers: the faster you inform the family, the better. Discussions of money are a big source of friction in many families, I dont think its unreasonable to look for someone who is not afraid to be open and up front about it, when hes potentially asking you to put yourself at his financial mercy once you get married. ps; not everyone refusing to be 2nd wife is against polygamy. No. Do not ask for a photo at all if you know that the girl wearsniqab. she is one who fears Allah in private and in public, she strives hard to worship and Allah and follow the Sunnah strictly to the best of her ability. "As salaamu alaykum (Her Name), If the wali agrees then can then talk to this woman and if she agrees to marry then simply one mare glance of look and thats all and after that nikaah can be placed and marriage can be done. Im saying that I by all means follow Islamic ruling on socializing with the father or qali present however I dont think it would be fair to meet your bride for the first time at the wedding. But sometimes my husband would rather spend time with me instead of me being in the kitchen. Its going to embarrass her so bad. Necmettin Erbakan: Father of the Turkish Evolution, [Podcast] What Not To Say To Converts | Amanda Morris. Ahhh, I actually know someone who does this, anytime he doesnt have a response to a woman, or anytime she actually verbalizes a solid complaint against him, he just says typical woman as if she has less brains than an animal. Anger should be shown when she exceeds the boundaries of Allah SWT, by delaying prayers, backbiting, watching prohibited scenes on TV, etc.. This shows that get to know or talking and all that is useless and forbidden in islam.. Allaah says in al-quran, , Have you seen him who takes his own lust (vain desires) as his ilah (god), and Allah knowing (him as such), left him astray, and sealed his hearing and his heart, and put a cover on his sight. He proposed marriage to her and she said, 'I have become Muslim; if you become Muslim I will marry you.'. some want to but dont know how and some love doing it 24/7 some dont want to but still love to see how happy it makes their husband. I only wanted to say that woman must do it because it is one of their responsibilities . What youre saying is true as a core conceptbut practice becomes more and more of an issue as time goes on. lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, Tafseer, and Arabic. That means he might interrogate the brother without allowing him any time to actually talk to the girl. Trust me, im speaking from experience. Escape from using insults and words that may hurt her feelings. How can you contact her without being creepy? Ofcourse one who does is earning a great reward. 5. In short . (See 3/147-171 thereof). I know that there are a lot of girls in this world who would accept me and I would definitely not have to IMPRESS them . Being charismatic, fun to be around and well groomed are all great thingsbut they take practice more often than not, especially when it comes to dealing with or satisfying the expectations of the opposite sex. In this case, the husband should consider the following: He did not accept the offer and simply said: "In Sha Allah"" (if God wills). Islamic rules (ahkam) related to women Avoid disclosing private information such as bedroom secrets, her personal problems and other private matters. Use your friends circle, have them introduce you to girls, go to events like wedding (btw Wedding Crashers is somewhat true, girls are a bit more desperate at weddings), Club ISNA, etc. Im just curious. Whoever is sure that he will be able to remain steadfast, then we think that it is permissible in his case, but there are certain conditions: The conversation should not be allowed to wander too far from the topic being discussed; or it should be for the purposes of calling others to Islam. if you are both happy, and have a happy household, there is pleasing Allah in that too. There is nothing wrong with a Muslim woman making use of the internet and entering the Paltalk website for that purpose, so long as that does not lead to anything that is forbidden in Islam, such as talking privately with men. Jazakallah khair for the tips poster :-). Do not argue and speak exceedingly (by talking back) with your husband if it becomes clear he is not pleased with the conversation. Ahhh, I actually know someone who does this, anytime he doesnt have a response to a woman, or anytime she actually verbalizes a solid complaint against him, he just says typical woman as if she has less brains than an animal. As for me . Must say, a lot to things i need to think about now. Life is not a utopia where every thing is prefect. Nothing came between us in terms of rituals, customs and so on, we had the most supportive parents( . o It should not be done except after having turned from her bed and discussing the matter with her as mentioned in Quran . Too many women think they can change a guy, but thats something only Allah can do. It shows how both of you are serious to commit to each other, and letting your family know about the existence of this man in your life is definitely no easy feat. :) yay for second chances. They usually cant do this so its better not to expect anything from them .. Todays muslim women . yeah, its better to never generalize and instead we should focus on the best lessons we can take from their livesAnd Allah Knows Best! 3. Not specific conditions and situations. Hope there is some benefit in what Ive mentioned for someone, Really interesting stuff, inshallah Ill get to use this info one day. :) lol. Im just curious. They wish to study, so they reach the age of 25. Actually our role model is the prophet(pbuh). The Theologies Of The Mental Health Industry, Counsellors, And Psychotherapists, The Prophetic Example On The Death of Non Muslims, [Podcast] Man2Man: Afghanistan Beyond the Headlines | Abdullah Zikria, From The MuslimMatters Bookshelf: Your Go-To Summer Reading List, [Podcast] Man 2 Man: How Social Media Is Killing Your Imaan, An MM Exclusive: Interview With Tone Trump, Exploring The Legacy Of The Ummah: Why Trkiye Is The Ideal Destination For A Family Vacation, India Hosts G20 Summit In Kashmir: A Projection Of Normalcy To Fuel Settler-Colonial Ambitions, Hostile Homelands: The New Alliance Between India And Israel | Book Review, Ramadan At The Uyghur Mosque : Community, Prayers, And Grief. You never know what people are up to these days.. this goes for both the gals and guys. Youre advancing into another step in the relationship. Stay grounded and when youre ask about the accomplishment in your life, say whats needed and related to your capability to provide your family need in the future. I wish you the best." This list is a collaborative effort on the part of many MuslimMatters Associates. http://muslimmatters.org/2011/06/27/the-muslim-feminist-i-speak-for-myself/, http://news.yahoo.com/s/yblog_thelookout/20110609/us_yblog_thelookout/woman-weightlifter-fights-to-compete-in-hijab. Alhamdulillah Great article! bro, i understand its not a nice feeling to be bashed all the time especially if the fault is not on the one who is being accused. But teaching men that, is different from simply interacting with female family members and how they interact with women for marriage is not necessarily a judgement on their personality as a whole. Forgive mistakes done to him but account her for mistakes done in Allahs rights, e.g. Honestly Im still trying to figure this whole problem out. Now, its the same deal for brothers who are considering marrying a non-citizen, but if you are already expecting to financially support your wife and for her to not seek an outside job, this may not be a big deal. Look for basic qualities and not secondary ones which may be developed overtime. ASSISTANCE IN THE HOUSEHOLD Were they all sisters? There is only one class of people who have to buy everything they see and their children desire!! The cookies is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Necessary". He should not be a miser with his money (nor wasteful). Whoever knows that he is somewhat weak, and is afraid that he may fall into the traps of the Shaytaan, has to refrain from such conversations, in order to save himself. For a sister supporting herself, and possibly also children from a previous marriage, this is a sizeable financial commitment to take on (if she could even afford it at all), in addition to probably having to financially support the man until he is granted permission to work in this country. SMELLING GOOD AND PHYSICAL BEAUTIFICATION Should I to compensate financially (that ive listed above) to my director and how? Answer (1 of 5): Hi, Answer is very simple but emphatic "YES". Theres not a thing wrong with a man or woman stating they want to be cooked for or they dont want to cook for anyone. A brother who is going to visit his potential wife should reciprocate in like. What Does Islam Say About Forced Marriages? - Muslim Girl 15 Romantic Ways on How to Ask for Marriage in Islam Whatever is comfortable with you in terms of social environment. The following are the top 11 issues that can help brothersavoid having a sister becominguninterested and discontinuing communication. you both are insane. Whatever you do; do not ask/hint at it directly (email included) even if your only alternative is getting another brother to ask, do that. Call back. After all modern actually means contemporary. The art of face to face conversation, i believe is declining with the ever increasing rise in websites such as facebook. I remember a story about a brother who said that when he went over to see the girl he took a glance or two but didnt really look a lot at her and then they got married, only for him to realize later on that he isnt really attracted to her and that he is not satisfied. Indeed, it is ever an immorality and is evil as a way. [Quran, 17:32]. Ive been holding muslim marriage events (http://www.stareventsteam.co.uk) for the past 5 years now. but you have to see that you cant expect every family in america to be happy and content doing the same exact things. If they are not interested in a sister or something comes up, some brothers just never contact her or her family again. Some children brother are easy while others are a handful. I know many muslim brothers who have a religious side with a great personality, prime example being Shaykh Abu Esa. CONSULTATION (SHOORAH) all im saying is have an open mind if the traditional way works for you two, thats great mashallah you and your wives and families are happy and working fine, and thats good. Let the brother and his family know within a reasonable time frame what your decision is after he proposes or expresses interest. MashaaAllah beneficial article even though much of it seems common mannerisms. Joking around & having a sense of humor. No. In fact, the marriage is not valid without a woman's consent. why would she feel hurt if he chnages his mind after getting her flowers? With all due respect to the sisters. Conversation whether verbally or in writing between men and women is permissible in and of itself, but it may be a way of falling into the traps of the Shaytaan. Will they approve of the man youre attracted to? (Tafseer Ibn Katheer, 1/492). And most parents have no clue, what their son or daughter is upto on social media sites. also, flowers die, they dont last forever. Living with parents/friends, no job, no job history, no savings, and a huge pile of loans not confidence-inspiring. If you want to have the best spouse, then purify yourself first. Perfectly acceptable to disagree with me, thats just my takenot a universal law. Try putting even 2 boys in one room and the chaotic effect that follows- that too is because ALLAH has Created everyone differently- He has laid down a general rule but this rule will have different meanings for everyone based on their personalities, background and upbrining. There is a great reward in visiting relatives and pious people. Do not ask the girl to stand next to your daughter just so that you can measure her height. How to handle rejection Although this is possible, yet this is the exception to what usually happens and not the rule. Who is this pious wife? oh my goodness, that gets asked soooo many times, its become a joke between my friends and i! Expect to eat out side or take away atleast twice a month. o He should do it only in extreme cases of disobedience, e.g. Totally true. Be in the moment, and know that a sister is sensitive to comparisons. May ALLAH Grant you success in obtaining a pious spouse- ameen. try to be a little more open-minded, times have changed but that doesnt mean the western culture is ruining women and women are ruling men and men get bashed, etc, these are all very generalized statements. Dont string them along or make it seem like you really want to marry the sister when you dont. or the husband has to earn and cook the food at the same time . If she is someone you meet daily (you attend the same classes or work at the same place), then your behavior toward her should be in a way that if her family was watching, they should not disapprove of it. I am not wasting my time lecturing you people . i agree with everything you said.. .but i am pakistani and i dont think flowers or cake would be awkward at all its like a sweet offering if him or his family are coming into your home to meet your family for the first time its like a friendly thing like salaams thanks for welcoming us into your home type thing kinda like when you go to somebodys house for the first time people bring flowers or a little plant or something u know? If you are at a loss for things to discuss, consider sharing what you are learning through your daily reading of the Holy Quran to refocus your relationship back to the basics of your faith. :(. You will be the cause of harming the other. Jazakumullahu Khair! Salaam Alaikum Brother while I respect your concern but where does it say phone text social networks are not permissible in the process of finding a mate or having contact to determine if someone is suitable for marriage? This is not permissible, as Shaytan is the third. For example piety lies in pleasing the husband but the husband needs to have practical expectations of a wife based on her resources, temperament and the nature of the children. http://www.islam-qa.com, Men and women talking to one another on the internet within the limits of good manners Ive also known other sisters who married in this situation. I dont know whether you are a muslim or not but if you are not a muslim then please dont bother to reply to my post . May Allah forgive me, but the first girl I had a thing with, I was completely terrible in keeping her entertained face to face, several girls later, when I got to the last one, not a single nervous conversation for me and from what it seemed, not a single dull moment for her (May Allah forgive me). Make sure you are direct and discuss all the major issues upfront. 3. How much is he investing for the dowry? Imam Nawawi mentioned the non-Muslim woman as one of three types: 1) A woman from the People of Revealed Books (meaning a Christian or Jew), she is permissible with certain conditions. because it also depends on your surroundings right so in pakistan for example it is very normal to have servants but in america, we gota do it ourselves or else we have to eat like junk food or fast food or something very unhealthy :( and here, since economy is so horrible these days, usually both husband and wife are working, and since theres lots of layoffs, sometimes even only the woman is working so this is where i start saying, nothing is as cut and dry anymore like 1500 years ago.. yes man was out fighting wars and women were inside protected in tents and cooking like I AM keeps talking about but dude, times are different and u have to keep an open mind now nobodys situation is the same so its all about what works best for both of you together. 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