I lied to my boyfriend, he broke up with me. The house is a mess.all the time! "Be the older sibling". It can be such a blow to your confidence and make you question your relationship and love for one another. My boyfriend and I have actually been talking about getting engaged in the near future. He might not be able to read the room or see your discomfort. It stems from avoiding upsetting people. Under such circumstances, you would want your partner to support this decision, but he might keep quiet. Hi Ms. P" and went into her room. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. My bf always wants to be this fun, cool dad that they like. Dating a Separated Man who went back to his wife and kids help! They won't pressure you to change your hobbies or interests, how you dress, how you act, and who your friends are. Considering they are older, they can't take heed to something they are not use to. It can mean they actually have a lack of respect for your husband and this has manifested itself in your husband being scared of them. What if my boyfriend disrespects his mother? - Quora When Your Husband's Family Disrespects You - The Bottom Line. I mean really terrible. I'm not apologizing to a child who was blatantly disrespectful. Of course, communicating with his family is the direct way to handle the situation. Reddit, Inc. 2023. So it could be this nature that does not allow him to say anything to his family when they disrespect you. In fact, if you have ever thought 'I can't stand my husband's family' then it is probably a really good idea to see how you could have behaved differently in the past to help relations between you and them. Ultimately if a blended family is going to work then BOTH parents need to communicate and have the on how they treat all of the children fairly. This upset me because who are you to demand I celebrate my birthday on another day..? But if your in-laws cross the boundary and disrespect you and your husband keeps quiet, then its not a good sign for a healthy marriage. I think you did the right thing by leaving. These reasons are not justified, but even then, you need to understand why your husband could be behaving this way to find the appropriate solution. Cookie Notice She says dinner will now be around 4the exact same time dinner is set to start with my boyfriends family. The night before we settled on going after 4 because the waterpark is cheaper than anyways. Or if he has an active Tinder or dating profile? His mother also kicked me out of the house when the party started. (hugs). Are you happy ? Dating A Divorced Man w/kids who takes ex-wife on vacation too, For all the ladies dating divorced men with kids, My boyfriend, his off the wall 5 yr old son, and his psycho kids "mother", Man I'm dating always talks about his kids. We know the difference between right and wrong AMEN TO THAT! Sadly, it can happen from time to time that husbands will always side with their mom or dad simply because they are scared of them. I cant imagine how Im going to feel when both kids grow up and start moving on with their own families. As a mom, its hard to learn to let go, even when you should. After calling her father in to handle it, he never came into the room to address her. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. So point out every time that he has hurt your feelings by choosing them over you. Respect is one of the crucial pillars of marriage. and our They may never have been abusive towards him, but relationships between parents and their offspring are complicated ones. As a result, a good way to tackle this is to give him space. Later he found out his sister told his mom to do that. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. Not one. He gets upset and says forget it hell stay with me for the rest of the night. If name-calling is a problem, let your child know you . She seems to be taking it personally, as though my mom intentionally tried to sabotage her Thanksgiving. Is something like that what you've said to him? This is one of the mistakes most women make in relationships while getting their boyfriend's mother to like them. So I told him to just go home. Set limits. They are not bad kids I just don't want Should my bf pay half the bills even though I have kids? Mind you, my uncle has severe autism and lives in an assisted living group home in New York City. She was diagnosed with cancer and we work 12 hours a day, so we try to visit when we can. Of course, communicating with his family is the direct way to handle the situation. I live him but almost ready to ask them to leave Because as it seems right now, I have no say in my home and when I try I'm a bad guy and bring controlling. Later he found out his sister told his mom to do that. It could either be emotionally or financially, and he feels hes dependent enough not to take a stand for himself or voice his opinions on anything. Baby mama drama refers to the drama caused by the mother of your man's child (or children). Well I went to his house that night and we got into an argument outside. If he were to come for Thanksgiving, he would need a caregiver to bring him. The bottom line is: if your husband has secretly been getting up to no good, this tool makes it obvious. My boyfriend (20M) lets his family disrespect me (21NB) and I - Reddit My kids are 8 and 14, and with my 14-year-old, I recently had to let go of the little girl aspects and the expectations that come with that and sort of recognize her transition into becoming a young lady and all of the changes that come with that, and that alone was a hard transition for me. It depends entirely on the individuals involved and their relationship. Your boyfriend then told his mother about it (anytime during the more than seven years, maybe repeatedly), and his sister either heard it from him or from their mother. Wow sounds very similar to my life but my son is 19, his kids are 10, qq and 12 and we live in my house. If I make allowances for his son's bad behaviour, while continuing to discipline my kids, what message is that giving them? Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. I just left a 4 year relationship over this. You then told your boyfriend of more than seven years about it. I dont think this actually has anything to do with you or your mom. Sorry this is going to be long because this is also partially a rant because i am so very upset right now. My boyfriend got in the car and told me his mom said she can at least show some damn respect. As crazy as it sounds, I didnt really consider the emotional aspect of the things that my boyfriends mom has said. This guide is packed with tips on how to act when your husbands family doesnt like you. Cookie Notice His mindset will always be "put up with it or leave - I'm not turning my back on my kids" although that's not what you're asking him to do. While I see where he is coming from about what I said,I could have not mentioned the mother. You might have your reasons, and his family isnt ready to understand your views and outright disrespects your decision. Against my better judgement I stayed and tried to work it out with him. or where ever I could. That way he can spend time with his brother then we can continue with our plans. 20 Signs of Disrespect in a Relationship And What to Do By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. Then suddenly, my daughter is a bad kid. I politely asked my boyfriend not to bring me back to her house. His mother demanded i (23) change our plans to accommodate his brothers party. But never displays parenting when needed.He and his ex always try to "win over" the kids, kinda like using them as pawns to each other. All rights reserved. Communicate with his family. I treat his kids like my own, but he always makes me look like the enemy and in turn, asks me to apologize to the kids for "hurting" their feelings. Usually, its a very subtle thing they might hide easily from their friends and life partner before getting married to them. For more information, please see our 20 signs of disrespect in a relationship you should never ignore Or even post-divorce relationship counselling? Answer (1 of 8): Not a good sign. How to Deal With Disrespectful Adult Children - Psychology Today This will allow his family to disrespect you more and leave a dent in your relationship with your husband. 10 Ways to Deal With Disrespectful Children - Verywell Family Well, wrong. He talks about her and contacts her in a very healthy way. Like I'm their friend and not an adult. I don't want to let go, but I can't see beyond this situation and what I do see is misery. 4. Please log in OR register. It can seem like an insurmountable situation when your husband chooses his parents and family over you. It's not just me that feels the kid is disrespectful. Meanwhile I was trying to teach my own daughter to have a strong set of morals and respect people. This means that you will naturally have plans when the relatives do get together and means that you start to set boundaries on what you will attend and what you don't. Answer (1 of 57): He disrespected someone who could have been his future Mother in Law and then ignored the one person he was supposed to support in her time of need? I am a man with two kids. Im also not saying you guys are in the wrong at all for wanting to spend Thanksgiving at your moms. Regardless of the steps I take, if they are not enforced by BOTH of us (As a Team) It's pointless. He fears that this dependency could be severed if he might voice his opinions. The remainder of this article features more advice on what to do when your husband chooses his family over you. People are sometimes too afraid to seek outside help in a relationship, but setting up a space where the two of you can let each other speak with no judgement from someone is perhaps one of the healthiest things the both of you could do. If you have tried the first two options, but the respect between the two of you is still lacking, you may want to look into having couples therapy. . Talk to a relative that you do get on with. So, about a month ago, in June, my boyfriend and I planned to go out for our birthdays. I wouldn't have said what I said, IF she would have listened the first time I asked her to stop the nit-picking and do your homework. My bf's daughter is a teen and has disrespected me one time too many. He is not a parent and this is not good for you or your little one. But realise that you have something much bigger at stake here - the happiness of your marriage may be materially affected if you were to allow the situation where you feel your husband's parents hate you. Am I wrong for being upset, and quite frankly, offended? Why keep putting your efforts into a relationship that's making you miserable, just on the off chance that your partner will suddenly change, when he's repeatedly proven he won't? Sometimes, if you can't see eye to eye on the times he has chosen his family over you, it may help to try to stop meeting up with his family quite so much. He has made that the basis of our relationship and at this point I give up. I do hope she apologizes to you guys, though, as she was definitely harsh and I can see why her words upset you, but she might not realize where her feelings are coming from either. He even asked me to apologize to the kids one time because I "hurt" their feelings after his 14yr old said "whatever" to me when I asked her to stop picking on my daughter and do her homework. In marriage, no spouse should let their partner be disrespected, be it from a stranger or their own family. Is Your Boyfriend's Mother Ruining Your Relationship? - She Blossoms Maybe the knowledge of that, added to the fact that he would be missing a special family holiday for the first time, (and potentially more in the future), got to her.